I am a storyteller, so let me tell you a story.
In the spring of 1987 in the heart of Texas a meeting occurred at a restaurant in Houston. The event had been triggered by a phone call only a few days before. The older man at the table had called the young woman and told her a friend was in town that wanted to meet her. Could she fly down from her home in Dallas and spend the weekend?
The only solution open at this moment was to hop on a plane, rent a car, and show up at a restaurant near where the man lived. Then she contacted her mother without identifying herself to the person answering the phone and asked her to deliver the man in question to the restaurant without revealing why. The mother only requested that there would be no violence – the young woman assured her there wouldn’t be – not in a public place.
The conversation was brief, considering three decades of abuse, torment, and insanity needed to be acknowledged before catching the returning flight. She had been given a hall pass for this trip and she didn’t dare return to Dallas later than expected. What she said was this. “You were never a father; and you stole my mother away because she never figured out why she was in competition with her own daughter. I do not wish to be mentioned to any of your friends ever again, nor do I wish to tolerate innuendos or thinly veiled jokes. If any of this occurs again, I will drop so far off the grid you won’t remember who I am.”
There was a brief silence. Then came the denials, the proclamations of never intending harm, the backpaddling. Her response was that she didn’t need his apologies, she had already forgiven herself, and that was sufficient. The chain was broken and now she needed to let things scar over and heal. She left him there with cold coffee and the assurance his ride would return shortly. There was one more chain left to break.
Returning to Dallas, the internal change was so obvious that those she lived with knew something was different. Including her jailor. Now the hard part started, concealing her already forming plans to escape while managing an Academy award winning performance to conceal every step she took.
You might have guessed that young woman was me. It took me several weeks to put things in place to handle mail, finances, a new vehicle he wouldn’t know about, moving stored furniture to another space, even ensuring that my cat was taken care of. Leaving town in my new vehicle while my parents took my old car back to Houston with stories I had drilled into them depending on when he might make first contact. I made it clear, any slip ups, and I would disappear, whatever the cost.
I tell this story, this piece of history, to explain something to those I have spoken to who just didn’t get why I was so against a certain candidate in 2016, 2020, and 2024. As our VP said, I know his type. I also understand at a visceral level what it means to unleash the deep sexual, racial, and social anger he stirs like a wizard deep in the forest. I know that his words, his actions can change some of the most honest and compassionate people into snarling dogs. I know this person deep in my bones and I know what people like him can cause others to believe and do.
I have to admit that I knew even if we won, we would still have hell to pay. I have grieved, I have shuddered at the vision of what the country could now become. You might want to compare your expectations to Germany in the 30s. but one of my commentary sources pointed out that this situation is 100% American born and nurtured. We took this land from people who had lived here for millennia, we kidnapped another people from their homeland and bought and sold them as chattel. We treated woman as if they were nothing more than baby factories, and we made sure that the poor stayed poor. This, my friends, is our reward.
The United States was born of a vision. Perhaps the men that wrote the words of our founding documents did not see that vision stripped of their privilege. Some did. From the Jefferson Memorials:
“I am not an advocate for frequent changes in laws and constitutions, but laws and institutions must go hand in hand with the progress of the human mind. As that becomes more developed, more enlightened, as new discoveries are made, new truths discovered and manners and opinions change, with the change of circumstances, institutions must advance also to keep pace with the times. We might as well require a man to wear still the coat which fitted him when a boy as a civilized society to remain ever under the regimen of their barbarous ancestors.”
As much as I hurt right now, I know that the only choice we have is to fight for a better tomorrow. Not with guns, rebellion, violence, and name calling, but with a real effort to diagnose the problems we have and to make real change. It wasn’t the way Harris ran the campaign. With the time she had it was an amazing attempt. It wasn’t because the Muslims were selfish and couldn’t vote for Harris because they couldn’t decide between a slow death and a fast death for those they loved. It really wasn’t that she was a woman of color. It was because around the world, voters didn’t care who was running, they were just looking for change – any change. So, here we are.
Am I afraid I might lose my benefits? I am – but I’ve been poor before. Am I concerned about harassment and threats? I am – but I’ve been there as well. Am I concerned about a deportation net catching people I care about? I am, and I will support them in any way I can. Am I heartbroken for the people I know and love in the LBGTQ+ community. I am terrified – but I will support them in any way I can.
The feeling that is rising in my chest and in my throat is that I am not willing to surrender the goal of making the world a better place. If only in my own circle of influence. Now is not the time to give up. Now is the time to dig deep to understand the underlying causes of failure and to put together a new plan. A plan that puts us on the road to safety, security, and a real chance to grow again. Hope is not an ephemeral web of gauzy silk; it is a battle worn woman of courage and determination. Remember to be smart, but do not let fear control you. Gird up, people, we have work to do.
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