Originally published February 13, 2014
“Thus, the first light: the world in his eyes would never be the same and would change with every day. If I wanted to keep him, I would have to move through those worlds with him and not try to keep him in mine.” (Who I Am Yesterday by the author)
I keep forgetting this. Even nearly three years later. I keep trying to “set things straight” knowing all the while that “straight” no longer exists. So now I think of rose petals and try to learn that the only way to save myself is to lose myself.
In this life we lead, I am no longer certain of who I am each day, or each moment. From his perspective I can be the bitch that couldn’t find the right wine, or the angel that helps him in the morning. Sometimes he tears up, afraid that I might leave him. Sometimes I’m the intruder certain to get into trouble for using “her” computer. Sometimes I have no clue what part it is I am supposed to play.
So, now I think of rose petals…
Falling softly on the ground
Giving beauty even as they die
In their death I keep the core of me alive